A question for people who DO NOT have small children.

[the.pixie.stick.chick]

As someone without small children (either because you have no children, or because yours are older/grown), what do you think of a parent walking away from a fitting child in a grocery?

We all know the scene: a toddler/preschooler has a tantrum, be not getting what they want or being told to stop doing/touching something, and they hit the floor in a fit. Maybe screaming, maybe not. And a parent, instead of battling wits or busting ass in public, just walks away.

What are you thoughts? Would you do anything? Say anything to the child or parent?

Thanks.

[PhxRsng]

I laugh, and then I go over and kick the kid in the ankle and tell em to knock that poop off.  In all seriousness I think "thank God I don't have kids I would smack that child's ass off".  I don't think anything of it honestly.  My mom used to do it to me all the time.  Although she did actually leave me at the store a few times and I wasn't fitting.  I wish I was kidding.  Although mentally I think it does something to the child.  It causes abandonment issues. It usually does stop the behavior pretty quick though.  But it's a different world.  You can't just smack them and when they're fitting you can't talk to them either.  My dad used to pinch the hell out of us on the back of the arm.  With the way things are now I don't know what more you COULD do other then drag them out of the store kicking and screaming and bring them home which so ain't gonna happen.  Plus you're giving in to the kid.  Sometimes the parent is either way mad or totally embarrassed so if they walk away then so be it.

[Tigg]

It would depend on HOW they are walking away.  If they are making a show to the kid of walking away, with an "I'm not buying into your tantrum, get over it and follow me" and not really walking away (staying where they can easily see the kid and not putting the kid, or others, in danger) - I've seen this and it doesn't bother me one bit.  It's working on correcting the bad behavior and an attempt to stop, rather than escalate, the behavior.  Most of the times I see this, as soon as the parent starts to turn a corner, the kid realizes they're about to be left behind, shuts up and runs after the parent and the tantrum is over.

If the parent is just completely ignoring the kid and really is walking away and is leaving the problem for others to deal with or leaving the kid in danger, THAT I have a problem with.

Pretend ignoring and actual ignoring are two very different things.  I have said something, once, to a parent who did the second.  The woman was in one place and the kid was several aisles down, no longer throwing a tantrum, but instead sobbing because the mom just left without a care in the world - I told her that she needed to watch her kid and not leave it to the rest of the customers to deal with and that if she didn't go back to where she could see her kid, I'd get the store manager to call in an abandoned child.  She gave me a nasty look but went back to where the kid was before the kid got grabbed up by some stranger.

[Tempting Fait]

What, Leah said...Unless it was a 2.5 year old with cubby cheeks and the cutest smile in the world, then I'd just give in to her.

When a friend's kids would start getting cranky and tired would just find a quiet back corner and say to the kid, I'm really tired, why don't we just sit here and rest a few minutes, then sit down on the floor with the kid until they were rested. A full blown temper tantrum she'd just say bye, and walk out of their line of sight, that usually, like Leah said, ended it.

[MadCow]

I see it all. I've found 6 year olds in charge of watching their toddler siblings in the toy section. Just today a grandmother yelled at her grandson "Shut the hell up!" because he was animal sounds while waiting in the cart.

It very much depends of the situation. I've done the "I'm not paying attention to you" when kids i'd been watching through a fit. But you don't leave them and they should NEVER be out of your sight. Every time we get a code Adam, my stomach turns. They almost never last more then 70 seconds but i'm in knots the entire time.

[Zanaba]

Well speaking from the standpoint of my kid has several meltdowns every time I take him to the store, I do my best.  I can't always leave him at home and he also needs to learn how to handle shopping situations.  My son has Asperger's and in many ways it's similar to autism.  He looks like a perfectly normal three year old and looks and talks like he's 5.  I put him in time out 3 times during one shopping trip and had to remove my one year old from his reach to keep him from being pummeled.  When I put him in time out he does yell "don't leave me"  even though I have never stepped 4 steps away from him.  Spanking is not an option, he doesn't sense pain like other kids and it would only make his meltdown worse.  Everything, especially crowded stores, with lots of "stuff" is very overwhelming to him.  It creates a lot of anxiety which triggers his negative behavior and meltdowns.  We are getting him therapy to help him to deal with the world around him and help us learn what he needs to teach him how to do so.  I guess I would prefer that someone ask about the situation than just judge.  I will do what I feel I need to do for my child to learn how to function in the world despite creating a peaceful environment for everyone else in the store.  I don't think every parent does the right thing for their child in every situation, including me.  Just please keep in mind that when you see that kid throwing a fit, they might have some disability that you don't realize.

Yes, I do have small children, but if you are only wanting to hear things from your own viewpoint then why bring it up?

[the.pixie.stick.chick]

Yes, I do have small children, but if you are only wanting to hear things from your own viewpoint then why bring it up?

my view point is from having kids that are 2, 6, and 10. i've had people give me a WTF are you doing!? kinda look as i walked away from a tantrum. only once, between all three kids, has walking away not been effective.

[Zanaba]

Okay, sorry I understand what you're saying better now.  I would not fault anyone for walking away.  You know what your kids respond to, if people want to look, let them.  Most kids come running, from what I've seen.

[<3 Amber <3]

Ok, I have to chime in even though I do have small children (2 of them...15 months apart) because I wonder the same question Mandy.

I *normally* don't have problems in stores. But the kids are human (as far as I know) and they do have their moments. So, recently the kids were doing whatever they wanted and not listening to me, wandering around, etc. I do NOT tolerate that crap. PERIOD. *something* will be done in that moment. Question is always "what" will be done?

Each one of my kids has what I like to call "currency". And each kid's currency varies and isn't always the same as the other's. Actually, majority of the time, their currency is opposite of the other. Sometimes my kids don't give a crap about time outs. They sit there, and go right back to being crazy. In which case, spanking usually does the trick and they're devastated (emotionally) that I dare swat his butt. Then sometimes they laugh when I spank them and then are devastated when I put them in time out. So it just depends, and I have to figure out what their current "currency" is. Those are just examples. I have a few other tricks up my sleeve too I use.

Anyway, back on topic. So I tried walking away the other day (before this thread) because they were touching stuff in the store, wandering around, not listening, etc. So I said: "alright. Enough. You guys are not listening to me and I am leaving." And I started to walk away (but they could always see me) And OH MY GOD!  They started SCREAMING!!!!!  That was worse and drawing more attention than what they were doing!!!!

Granted, my situation wasn't a fit, but seriously...that didn't work for me. Just made it worse!  lol

[Ashly]

I have kids but before I had kids I didnt understand. I would see a kid screaming in the store and think "What is wrong with that parent that they cant keep their kid under control?" Now I just smile and do a "good luck" nod when I see parents actually dealing with a kid in a store. What I hate to see if parents who dont give a you know what and just let their kid keep screaming. So I would much rather see a parent trying the walk away method than just toting along a kid thats acting like a little brat.

I have a discipline method that works pretty well. My kids dont scream and throw tantrums in the store or otherwise but they will pick on eachother and what not. We use the check method. 1 check is a warning. 2 checks means time out. 3 checks and a toy gets tossed. Its been an absolute life saver.

[<3 Amber <3]

I have kids but before I had kids I didnt understand. I would see a kid screaming in the store and think "What is wrong with that parent that they cant keep their kid under control?" Now I just smile and do a "good luck" nod when I see parents actually dealing with a kid in a store. What I hate to see if parents who dont give a you know what and just let their kid keep screaming. So I would much rather see a parent trying the walk away method than just toting along a kid thats acting like a little brat.

I have a discipline method that works pretty well. My kids dont scream and throw tantrums in the store or otherwise but they will pick on eachother and what not. We use the check method. 1 check is a warning. 2 checks means time out. 3 checks and a toy gets tossed. Its been an absolute life saver.

We have a similar method I sort of hijacked from son's school. We use a "street light" system. Yellow is warning. Red light they do not get a coin at the end of the day. At the end of the week if they have at least 5 coins they get to pick a small (dollar store) prize from a "treasure box".  This has also been a life saver for us.

[Tempting Fait]

With kids and dogs, bribery works wonders. Until they decide to turn the tables on you and "red light" you!

[<3 Amber <3]

not sure what it means for a kid to "red light" their parents, but whichever. lol.  right now it's their currency and so it works. When it doesn't work anymore, I'll move onto their next currency. 

[Tigg]

With kids and dogs, bribery works wonders. Until they decide to turn the tables on you and "red light" you!

When kids (or dogs) start to try to discipline the adults, the method of discipline being used isn't working.

[Tempting Fait]

That's right, I used to use a whistle to stop LB from barking--he'd bark, I'd blow the whistle, he'd stop, come for a treat, I'd praise and treat. Then he got so he'd bark when he wanted a treat. Now we are doing something else.

Example of kid "red lighting" an adult:
Kids aren't allowed to cuss. An adult says "damn", kid says Yellow Light.
Adult says "Aww hell", kid says "Red Light" ...